Last night I was booked in to do the chair at Hop Gardens. It’s the biggest gay AA meeting in London, with at least 70 regular attendees. When I got there I was understandably nervous about speaking in front of such a large crowd. I’d never chaired a meeting of more than about 30 people [...]

Tuesday night I was given cause for concern when Andy called me, sounding desperate. He’s been having a rough time recently, unemployed and searching for that job that will change everything. It’s not just being poor, it’s being trapped at home, having all your choices taken away from you, not having any reason to get [...]

Seems like things have been pretty static the past couple of weeks, which is why I haven’t written much here. I’ve written a lot elsewhere, reaching 180 pages in my latest novel which I am happily enjoying in its creation. I’m almost certainly on track for completing my fourth book in sobriety – the third [...]

Three Years

It’s been exactly three years to the day since I last had an alcoholic drink. Unbelievable? Extremely. Happy? Mostly. I wouldn’t say I was entirely jubilant today, mainly because of the several close shaves that I have gone through in recent weeks. I’m fairly convinced that those close shaves were in anticipation of this anniversary [...]

Since Sunday things have improved dramatically on the spiritual and emotional front, as I guess they do after revelations of a personal nature. I haven’t thought about Gareth much, nor have I thought about sex nearly as much as I normally would. I haven’t been tempted to use porn or to set up a new [...]

Somehow I’ve managed to spend my monthly wages before the month has even begun. I decided to book my next holiday abroad for August – I was determined to go to Spain this year – and now it’s all paid for, and after rent, bills, food and travel I have nothing left for the rest [...]

I’ve been invited to a work colleague’s birthday party tonight, and I don’t want to go. She’s having an 80’s themed fancy dress do at her house in West London before heading into town for a night of trendy clubbing. A few years ago it would have been my idea of the perfect night out. [...]

I’ve started drinking coffee, which is really unusual for me. All my life I’ve hated the taste of coffee. This leads me to the conclusion that I have simply acquired a taste for caffeine. It’s all work’s fault – everyone drinks coffee there, all the time. Sometimes the caffeine helps raise my levels of alertness [...]

I finally saw my doctor yesterday, nearly two weeks after I should have seen her, and got a renewal on the medication from which I was experiencing severe withdrawal. She wasn’t too impressed with me when I mentioned that I had allowed myself to go into withdrawal. Apparently I’ll be much better off bringing the [...]

I think the state of my mind at the moment may suggest that I am happy with life. I don’t feel regret, sadness, pain or anxiety today. Most of the past few days have been like this, which is not to suggest that everything is perfect today. Problems remain, as they probably always will. But [...]