Last night I was booked in to do the chair at Hop Gardens. It’s the biggest gay AA meeting in London, with at least 70 regular attendees. When I got there I was understandably nervous about speaking in front of such a large crowd. I’d never chaired a meeting of more than about 30 people [...]

Tuesday night I was given cause for concern when Andy called me, sounding desperate. He’s been having a rough time recently, unemployed and searching for that job that will change everything. It’s not just being poor, it’s being trapped at home, having all your choices taken away from you, not having any reason to get [...]

Seems like things have been pretty static the past couple of weeks, which is why I haven’t written much here. I’ve written a lot elsewhere, reaching 180 pages in my latest novel which I am happily enjoying in its creation. I’m almost certainly on track for completing my fourth book in sobriety – the third [...]

Three Years

It’s been exactly three years to the day since I last had an alcoholic drink. Unbelievable? Extremely. Happy? Mostly. I wouldn’t say I was entirely jubilant today, mainly because of the several close shaves that I have gone through in recent weeks. I’m fairly convinced that those close shaves were in anticipation of this anniversary [...]

There was a minor incident, yesterday at work, which may need some thinking on. It had mostly been a great day. We had our quarterly business meeting, where everyone had to gather in the conference room to listen to speeches about the company’s amazing growth during the past three months. After the speeches we were [...]

After avoiding Ethan through Sunday and Monday, I finally spoke to him honestly last night about how bad I had felt on Saturday. I tried not to make it seem as if I blamed him for the social disaster which nearly led me to a drink, though it may have come across that way. I [...]

I’ve done it again. Put myself in a situation where my recovery may have ended up seriously compromised. It all started off innocuously enough, as I was invited by Ethan to a party at the place where he has recently begun to do voluntary work. You’d think: how bad can it be? The moment I [...]

Since Sunday things have improved dramatically on the spiritual and emotional front, as I guess they do after revelations of a personal nature. I haven’t thought about Gareth much, nor have I thought about sex nearly as much as I normally would. I haven’t been tempted to use porn or to set up a new [...]

Rock bottom

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear – I’ve been a silly old fool this weekend. For about the past two weeks, after honestly telling Gareth that I couldn’t see him any more because it hurt too much, I found myself irresistibly drawn to his internet profile, and yesterday we finally began exchanging messages again. Pretty [...]

Really good day at work – as insanely busy as ever, but maybe for the third or fourth time in the past few weeks, it was actually fun. This morning I decided to draw up a daily timetable that I will try and stick to from now on, to make life more simple really, and [...]