I’ve posted another message in the support forums on OUT. This one has nothing to with my flatmates. It’s essentially a cry for help: I have the loneliness on me tonight, and I don’t know what to do about it. I went to an AA meeting earlier, it was one of the worst meetings I’ve [...]

Everything is fine, but I’m still not happy. In two days’ time I’m flying to the Canary Isles for a four day beach holiday, then in April I’m off to California for the west coast experience, the trip of a lifetime. My job is secure, I’m not in debt to anyone, I have friends and [...]

It hasn’t been the greatest of Sundays. I don’t know why, I just haven’t felt right this weekend. I’ve spent most of it in bed, not because I really wanted a lazy weekend, I just haven’t had the energy to do much apart from lie around doing nothing. I’ve stuck to a promise that I [...]

I’m doing three AA meetings a week again, which is good, because I was beginning to feel myself drift in AA. I now know why people say that if you don’t feel like going to a meeting, that’s the time you should really go to one. I haven’t felt like going to any meetings recently, [...]

Went to a meeting on Monday night, and immediately afterwards things began to seem OK again. It was the step meeting in Bloomsbury, which was also the first AA meeting I went to three and a half years ago, and just like that first day of recovery, I experienced a similar lifting of the clouds [...]

I hate being ill. Started the week with a slightly irritating cough and sore throat; by Tuesday it had turned into a fever which sent me home early from work. On Wednesday I could barely get up, and had to call in sick. Since I’ve been in this job I’ve only had one day off [...]

The thing that worries me most about relationships – well, two things, really – is the fear of being smothered, which always seems to haunt me to a greater or lesser extent, and the fear of getting bored. I’ve met up with Jonathan three times this week. On our second meeting, I was not in [...]

The list

I’m going to try a little experiment today. In spite of the extremely fortuitous circumstances that have befallen me recently, I’ve experienced noticeable anxiety over a number of things. If AA has taught me anything, it’s taught me honesty and thoroughness, so it occurred to me to list all of the things that I am [...]

I tried not to spend most of the week thinking about money, but I couldn’t exactly help it. I keep thinking about the trip to California next year, the Christmas presents I’m going to buy for myself this year, the birthday present I’m going to get for my mother (tickets to see a show in [...]

I’m going to Barcelona tomorrow! I have a whole week off work, starting now, and I will be spending five days of it in Spain. I’ve never been to Spain before, and it appeared on this year’s list of places to go, when I realised that I could easily afford it. I don’t want to [...]