A couple of days ago I really felt like punching my boss, Jan, in the face. For a good few months we had been getting on brilliantly, until Monday morning when I made one of my increasingly rare but important mistakes, costing the company about £1,000. I am essentially responsible for passing on all the [...]

Today I was the recipient of my first ever step 9 amends. It came from my former sponsor, who relapsed earlier this year when I was in the middle of step 4. I didn’t feel that he really owed me an apology, but I went to meet him anyway as I hadn’t seen him since [...]

Last night I was booked in to do the chair at Hop Gardens. It’s the biggest gay AA meeting in London, with at least 70 regular attendees. When I got there I was understandably nervous about speaking in front of such a large crowd. I’d never chaired a meeting of more than about 30 people [...]

Tuesday night I was given cause for concern when Andy called me, sounding desperate. He’s been having a rough time recently, unemployed and searching for that job that will change everything. It’s not just being poor, it’s being trapped at home, having all your choices taken away from you, not having any reason to get [...]

Three Years

It’s been exactly three years to the day since I last had an alcoholic drink. Unbelievable? Extremely. Happy? Mostly. I wouldn’t say I was entirely jubilant today, mainly because of the several close shaves that I have gone through in recent weeks. I’m fairly convinced that those close shaves were in anticipation of this anniversary [...]

After avoiding Ethan through Sunday and Monday, I finally spoke to him honestly last night about how bad I had felt on Saturday. I tried not to make it seem as if I blamed him for the social disaster which nearly led me to a drink, though it may have come across that way. I [...]

I’ve done it again. Put myself in a situation where my recovery may have ended up seriously compromised. It all started off innocuously enough, as I was invited by Ethan to a party at the place where he has recently begun to do voluntary work. You’d think: how bad can it be? The moment I [...]

Rock bottom

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear – I’ve been a silly old fool this weekend. For about the past two weeks, after honestly telling Gareth that I couldn’t see him any more because it hurt too much, I found myself irresistibly drawn to his internet profile, and yesterday we finally began exchanging messages again. Pretty [...]

Really good day at work – as insanely busy as ever, but maybe for the third or fourth time in the past few weeks, it was actually fun. This morning I decided to draw up a daily timetable that I will try and stick to from now on, to make life more simple really, and [...]

It’s the longest day of the year, and not for the first time, I have not been able to decide whether to go to a meeting or not. I wanted to go to a meeting, but then I realised that that would mean having to pay to eat out, and because it’s nearly the end [...]