Tuesday night I was given cause for concern when Andy called me, sounding desperate. He’s been having a rough time recently, unemployed and searching for that job that will change everything. It’s not just being poor, it’s being trapped at home, having all your choices taken away from you, not having any reason to get [...]
Archive for the ‘death’ Category
Category:
12 steps, addiction, adulthood, alcohol, alcoholism, anger, anxiety, belief, co-dependency, creativity, dating, death, depression, despair, emotional anorexia, Emotions, family, fear, friendship, gay, happiness, hope, illness, insanity, intimacy, life, love, maturity, panic attacks, peace, Psychology, quitting, recovery, relationships, resentments, sanity, self doubt, self-pity, serenity, service, sex, sex addiction, sexual anorexia, shame, SLAA, sobriety, social anorexia, social anxiety, social phobia, socializing, spirituality, therapy, work, writing
Three Years
It’s been exactly three years to the day since I last had an alcoholic drink. Unbelievable? Extremely. Happy? Mostly. I wouldn’t say I was entirely jubilant today, mainly because of the several close shaves that I have gone through in recent weeks. I’m fairly convinced that those close shaves were in anticipation of this anniversary [...]
Category:
12 steps, addiction, adulthood, alcohol, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, anger, anxiety, belief, childhood, co-dependency, creativity, dating, death, depression, despair, emotional anorexia, Emotions, family, fear, friendship, gay, happiness, hope, illness, insanity, intimacy, life, love, maturity, money, panic attacks, peace, Psychology, quitting, recovery, relationships, resentments, sanity, self doubt, self-pity, serenity, service, sex, sex addiction, sexual anorexia, shame, sobriety, social anorexia, socializing, spirituality, therapy, work, writing
I’ve done it again. Put myself in a situation where my recovery may have ended up seriously compromised. It all started off innocuously enough, as I was invited by Ethan to a party at the place where he has recently begun to do voluntary work. You’d think: how bad can it be? The moment I [...]
Category:
12 steps, addiction, adulthood, alcohol, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, anger, anxiety, belief, co-dependency, dating, death, depression, despair, emotional anorexia, Emotions, family, fear, friendship, gay, happiness, hope, illness, insanity, intimacy, life, love, maturity, panic attacks, peace, Psychology, quitting, recovery, relationships, resentments, sanity, self doubt, self-pity, serenity, service, sex, sex addiction, sexual anorexia, shame, SLAA, sobriety, social anorexia, social anxiety, social phobia, socializing, spirituality, therapy
What’s the point? What is the fucking POINT? This afternoon I get my glad rags on, I go out, meet Melanie in town to watch England’s first match in the World Cup, I have fun, so much fun that after it’s all over I decide to visit the gay scene, where I am determined to [...]
Category:
12 steps, addiction, adulthood, alcohol, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, anger, anxiety, belief, bullying, childhood, co-dependency, death, depression, despair, emotional anorexia, Emotions, fear, friendship, gay, happiness, hope, illness, insanity, intimacy, life, love, maturity, panic attacks, peace, Psychology, recovery, relationships, resentments, sanity, self doubt, self-pity, serenity, sex, sex addiction, sexual anorexia, shame, SLAA, sobriety, social anorexia, social anxiety, spirituality, therapy
I felt like leaving my job today. Not for the first time, I ended up in a situation where I felt undervalued and overlooked. For the past month or so I’d been getting on really well with my superior Jan, who has been pleased with my achievements in knocking the customer enquiry backlog down to [...]
Category:
12 steps, adulthood, alcoholism, anger, anxiety, belief, bullying, co-dependency, death, depression, despair, Emotions, family, fear, gay, hope, illness, insanity, intimacy, life, maturity, money, panic attacks, peace, Psychology, recovery, resentments, sanity, self doubt, self-pity, service, shame, sobriety, social anorexia, socializing, work
It has been an annoyingly challenging week. I’ve questioned recovery and I’ve questioned my own sanity, several times. I haven’t had a week like this in at least six months. I guess the insanity started at work on Wednesday, where I was asked to do slightly too much and ended up doing what I usually [...]
Category:
12 steps, addiction, adulthood, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, anger, anxiety, belief, childhood, co-dependency, dating, death, depression, despair, emotional anorexia, Emotions, fear, friendship, gay, happiness, hope, illness, insanity, intimacy, life, love, maturity, panic attacks, peace, Psychology, quitting, recovery, relationships, resentments, sanity, self doubt, self-pity, serenity, service, sex, sex addiction, sexual anorexia, shame, SLAA, sobriety, social anorexia, social anxiety, spirituality, therapy, work
It’s been a bad enough day. Somehow, as always, I’m managing to make it even harder. Work was absolutely crap, to start with. Melanie was in one of her (increasingly frequent) bad moods all day, and as a consequence, everyone was in a bad mood. Because I have become slightly co-dependent on her, I was [...]
Category:
12 steps, addiction, adulthood, alcohol, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, anger, anxiety, childhood, co-dependency, cooking, death, depression, despair, emotional anorexia, Emotions, family, fear, friendship, gay, hope, illness, insanity, intimacy, life, love, maturity, panic attacks, peace, Psychology, quitting, recovery, relationships, resentments, sanity, self doubt, self-pity, serenity, shame, sobriety, social anorexia, social anxiety, social phobia, socializing, spirituality, work, writing
I am so scared right now I could weep. I’m due to be starting work in two days’ time, and one of the names that I gave my new employers as a reference, a former lecturer who supervised my final year Psychology dissertation, is refusing to write me a reference because she is on maternity [...]
Category:
12 steps, addiction, adulthood, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, anger, anxiety, belief, co-dependency, death, depression, despair, Emotions, family, fear, illness, insanity, life, maturity, money, panic attacks, peace, Psychology, recovery, resentments, sanity, self doubt, self-pity, serenity, service, shame, sobriety, social anorexia, social anxiety, social phobia, socializing, spirituality, work
Accept or die
7am yesterday headed out to Waterloo for the second Sunday in a row, as I had agreed without much reluctance to accompany Earl on another epic train trip to the south west of England. This time we would be joined by Gary, a fellow alcoholic with terminal cancer who happens to be a massive train [...]
Category:
12 steps, addiction, adulthood, alcohol, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, anger, anxiety, belief, co-dependency, death, depression, despair, Emotions, family, fear, friendship, gay, happiness, hope, illness, insanity, intimacy, life, love, maturity, money, panic attacks, peace, Psychology, quitting, recovery, relationships, resentments, sanity, self doubt, self-pity, serenity, shame, sobriety, social anxiety, social phobia, socializing, spirituality, therapy, travel, work, writing
Lost in the fog
There’s a raging self-doubting demon running around in my head today and I am not enjoying being me at all. I haven’t enjoyed being me very much this year, and I am so tired of it. There is nothing materially wrong with things today, except for my feelings. The thoughts and feelings in my head [...]
Category:
12 steps, addiction, adulthood, alcohol, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, anger, anxiety, belief, bullying, childhood, co-dependency, death, depression, despair, emotional anorexia, Emotions, family, fear, friendship, gay, happiness, hope, illness, insanity, intimacy, life, love, maturity, money, panic attacks, peace, Psychology, quitting, recovery, relationships, resentments, sanity, self doubt, self-pity, serenity, shame, sobriety, social anxiety, social phobia, socializing, spirituality, therapy, work, writing
