I went on a date on Sunday. It was a lot less exciting than it sounds. Actually, it was quite a nice afternoon, but I don’t expect much will come of it. And I’m fine with that. The guy I met was perfectly nice: young, intelligent, cute, everything you’d want. He was also too shy [...]

I just got home after spending a pleasant couple of hours in Soho with my closest friend. It nearly turned into a proper night out, but in the end our tiredness won out against the old desire to be like everyone else our age, staying out until three in the morning. It’s only midnight but [...]

Tuesday night I was given cause for concern when Andy called me, sounding desperate. He’s been having a rough time recently, unemployed and searching for that job that will change everything. It’s not just being poor, it’s being trapped at home, having all your choices taken away from you, not having any reason to get [...]

Three Years

It’s been exactly three years to the day since I last had an alcoholic drink. Unbelievable? Extremely. Happy? Mostly. I wouldn’t say I was entirely jubilant today, mainly because of the several close shaves that I have gone through in recent weeks. I’m fairly convinced that those close shaves were in anticipation of this anniversary [...]

I’ve done it again. Put myself in a situation where my recovery may have ended up seriously compromised. It all started off innocuously enough, as I was invited by Ethan to a party at the place where he has recently begun to do voluntary work. You’d think: how bad can it be? The moment I [...]

Since Sunday things have improved dramatically on the spiritual and emotional front, as I guess they do after revelations of a personal nature. I haven’t thought about Gareth much, nor have I thought about sex nearly as much as I normally would. I haven’t been tempted to use porn or to set up a new [...]

I think the state of my mind at the moment may suggest that I am happy with life. I don’t feel regret, sadness, pain or anxiety today. Most of the past few days have been like this, which is not to suggest that everything is perfect today. Problems remain, as they probably always will. But [...]

Something significant happened over the weekend which I wish I could gloss over, because it’s kind of embarrassing, but I feel that I have to mention it. I had normal, healthy sex, for maybe the first time in a long time. Possibly because it was a long weekend and I felt inspired by the holiday [...]

I’m a bit all over the place today. Two days ago it was hard to think of things to be sad about; today it’s a little easier, as I predicted it would be. I spent several hours last night cruising for sex in Heaven nightclub. It wasn’t really intentional, I just kind of ended up [...]

Englishman in New York

The title of today’s blog seemed like almost too much of a cliché to use, but since I might never get to use it again, I thought I would be daring. The title is, of course, referring to where I was this week. I’d dreamed of going to the Big Apple for at least three [...]