It’s been exactly three years to the day since I last had an alcoholic drink. Unbelievable? Extremely. Happy? Mostly. I wouldn’t say I was entirely jubilant today, mainly because of the several close shaves that I have gone through in recent weeks. I’m fairly convinced that those close shaves were in anticipation of this anniversary [...]
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12 steps, addiction, adulthood, alcohol, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, anger, anxiety, belief, childhood, co-dependency, creativity, dating, death, depression, despair, emotional anorexia, Emotions, family, fear, friendship, gay, happiness, hope, illness, insanity, intimacy, life, love, maturity, money, panic attacks, peace, Psychology, quitting, recovery, relationships, resentments, sanity, self doubt, self-pity, serenity, service, sex, sex addiction, sexual anorexia, shame, sobriety, social anorexia, socializing, spirituality, therapy, work, writing
What’s the point? What is the fucking POINT? This afternoon I get my glad rags on, I go out, meet Melanie in town to watch England’s first match in the World Cup, I have fun, so much fun that after it’s all over I decide to visit the gay scene, where I am determined to [...]
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12 steps, addiction, adulthood, alcohol, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, anger, anxiety, belief, bullying, childhood, co-dependency, death, depression, despair, emotional anorexia, Emotions, fear, friendship, gay, happiness, hope, illness, insanity, intimacy, life, love, maturity, panic attacks, peace, Psychology, recovery, relationships, resentments, sanity, self doubt, self-pity, serenity, sex, sex addiction, sexual anorexia, shame, SLAA, sobriety, social anorexia, social anxiety, spirituality, therapy
I’ve been invited to a work colleague’s birthday party tonight, and I don’t want to go. She’s having an 80’s themed fancy dress do at her house in West London before heading into town for a night of trendy clubbing. A few years ago it would have been my idea of the perfect night out. [...]
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12 steps, addiction, adulthood, alcohol, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, anger, anxiety, belief, bullying, childhood, co-dependency, depression, despair, emotional anorexia, Emotions, family, fear, friendship, gay, happiness, hope, illness, insanity, intimacy, life, love, maturity, money, panic attacks, peace, Psychology, quitting, recovery, relationships, resentments, sanity, self doubt, self-pity, serenity, service, sex, sex addiction, sexual anorexia, shame, SLAA, sobriety, social anorexia, social anxiety, socializing, spirituality, therapy, work, writing
I’ve started drinking coffee, which is really unusual for me. All my life I’ve hated the taste of coffee. This leads me to the conclusion that I have simply acquired a taste for caffeine. It’s all work’s fault – everyone drinks coffee there, all the time. Sometimes the caffeine helps raise my levels of alertness [...]
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12 steps, addiction, adulthood, alcohol, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, anger, anxiety, belief, childhood, co-dependency, depression, despair, emotional anorexia, Emotions, family, fear, friendship, gay, happiness, hope, illness, insanity, intimacy, life, love, maturity, money, panic attacks, peace, Psychology, quitting, recovery, relationships, resentments, sanity, self doubt, self-pity, serenity, sex addiction, sexual anorexia, shame, SLAA, sobriety, social anorexia, social anxiety, socializing, spirituality, therapy, work, writing
I finally saw my doctor yesterday, nearly two weeks after I should have seen her, and got a renewal on the medication from which I was experiencing severe withdrawal. She wasn’t too impressed with me when I mentioned that I had allowed myself to go into withdrawal. Apparently I’ll be much better off bringing the [...]
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12 steps, addiction, adulthood, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, anger, anxiety, belief, childhood, co-dependency, creativity, depression, Emotions, family, fear, friendship, gay, happiness, hope, illness, insanity, intimacy, life, love, maturity, money, panic attacks, peace, Psychology, quitting, recovery, relationships, resentments, sanity, self doubt, self-pity, serenity, sex, sexual anorexia, shame, SLAA, sobriety, social anorexia, socializing, spirituality, therapy, work, writing
Not one of those days that I really want to remember – I’m glad it’s over. It’s been pretty horrendous really. The constant feeling of being hungover, the continuing effects of withdrawal from anti-depressants have got to the point of being unbearable. None of it’s helped by the fact I had to go home yesterday, [...]
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12 steps, addiction, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, anger, anxiety, belief, childhood, co-dependency, depression, despair, emotional anorexia, Emotions, family, fear, friendship, gay, hope, illness, insanity, intimacy, life, maturity, panic attacks, peace, Psychology, recovery, relationships, resentments, sanity, self doubt, self-pity, serenity, shame, sobriety, spirituality, therapy, work
I think the state of my mind at the moment may suggest that I am happy with life. I don’t feel regret, sadness, pain or anxiety today. Most of the past few days have been like this, which is not to suggest that everything is perfect today. Problems remain, as they probably always will. But [...]
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12 steps, addiction, adulthood, anger, anxiety, belief, bullying, childhood, co-dependency, dating, depression, despair, emotional anorexia, Emotions, family, fear, friendship, gay, happiness, hope, illness, insanity, intimacy, life, love, maturity, panic attacks, peace, Psychology, quitting, recovery, relationships, resentments, self doubt, self-pity, serenity, sex, sex addiction, sexual anorexia, shame, SLAA, sobriety, social anorexia, socializing, spirituality, therapy, work, writing
About thirty-six hours ago I arrived at work, prepared for but not entirely excited about the day ahead. I had my overnight bag with me, as did everyone else, and it instantly felt as if I was going on a school trip. Several people made that precise remark as we all bundled onto the [...]
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12 steps, adulthood, alcohol, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, anger, anxiety, belief, bullying, childhood, co-dependency, depression, despair, Emotions, family, fear, friendship, gay, happiness, hope, illness, insanity, intimacy, life, love, maturity, money, panic attacks, peace, recovery, relationships, resentments, sanity, self doubt, self-pity, serenity, service, shame, sobriety, social anorexia, social anxiety, social phobia, socializing, spirituality, travel, work
Recovering from New York took a bit longer than expected. I spent most of the weekend asleep, I was so tired. By Sunday night I felt that enough energy had been regained to go out. I met Phil and some other non-AA friends that I don’t really like in Clapham, for a night of dancing [...]
Category:
12 steps, adulthood, alcohol, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, anger, anxiety, belief, bullying, childhood, emotional anorexia, Emotions, fear, friendship, gay, happiness, hope, illness, insanity, intimacy, life, love, maturity, money, panic attacks, peace, Psychology, quitting, recovery, relationships, resentments, sanity, self doubt, self-pity, serenity, service, sobriety, social anorexia, social anxiety, social phobia, socializing, spirituality, travel, work
It has been an annoyingly challenging week. I’ve questioned recovery and I’ve questioned my own sanity, several times. I haven’t had a week like this in at least six months. I guess the insanity started at work on Wednesday, where I was asked to do slightly too much and ended up doing what I usually [...]
Category:
12 steps, addiction, adulthood, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, anger, anxiety, belief, childhood, co-dependency, dating, death, depression, despair, emotional anorexia, Emotions, fear, friendship, gay, happiness, hope, illness, insanity, intimacy, life, love, maturity, panic attacks, peace, Psychology, quitting, recovery, relationships, resentments, sanity, self doubt, self-pity, serenity, service, sex, sex addiction, sexual anorexia, shame, SLAA, sobriety, social anorexia, social anxiety, spirituality, therapy, work
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